Lately, I’ve been feeling like I need to share my personal story here. It’s easy to post a beautiful portrait, but often we don’t see the struggle or hurt behind a photo. I won’t forget the day my daughter told me she was expecting with tears in her eyes. I had actually dreamed she was pregnant two weeks earlier. In my dream she told me and showed me a photo of a positive pregnancy test, exactly how it happened that Spring day. I remember telling my husband. We both brushed it off as a crazy dream. Looking back I know God was preparing my heart. She didn’t think she could keep the baby. All she could feel was the fear.
See, I had the same exact story twenty something years earlier with her. I was 21, scared, in a new relationship the same as she was. The father wanted me to have an abortion, he eventually decided he didn’t want to be a father. I knew in my heart I wanted to keep her. I knew I had to make the decision to do it on my own if I needed to. She was and always has been the best decision I made. Being a young mother made who I am today. Without the struggle I don’t think I would have had the strength within myself I have today. I needed to grow, and come to the end of myself. Sometimes I think God knows we are stubborn and need to take the hard road. He needs to teach us through our struggles that we need him. One thing I hope to teach my daughter through this is.. people will walk away, pray for them anyway. Wish healing for them. I so wished that my story was not her story. What I learned that God will never leave us. There is nothing we can do that is beyond his grace.
In my perfect world for her there would be the perfect guy, and the amazing family. The truth is that we live in a broken world. She’s now a single mom doing it alone. She’s picking herself up and finding the strength within her. I’m so proud of her and her decision to keep her son. I thank God every day for this new baby. He will be so loved by all of us. He will be adored and bring our family joy. He will be taught to love the Lord. He will be taught to be a good man. I love how God takes our ashes and makes them beautiful again. God knows his name, he is created with a purpose. I also know one day she will have her own beautiful story to tell and the family she dreams of in God’s perfect timing.
Through these trials you’ve always been faithful, you bring healing to my soul
I am not alone, I am not alone, You will go before me.
You will never leave me.
You amaze me redeem me, you call me as you own. – Kari Jobe
Seven weeks left.. we can’t wait to meet you Asher Grey!